My Visit to the Police Station Last week I was at our local grocery store, Jewel-Osco, when my cell phone was stolen out of my purse. Since I didn't think much could be done about a stolen cell phone (and tracking it down would probably be a waste of time for any law enforcer), I didn't do anything about it but cancel my service and reactivate my old phone (whose ringer doesn't work).

Well, I started receiving calls from strangers. Being the socialite that I am, I talked to these strangers and found out they were expecting to reach their male friend/brother. Of course they were expecting this because HE STOLE MY PHONE and made several calls from it. So I gently explained that their friend/brother stole my phone and now I had THEIR numbers. I informed them that they could persuad their friend/brother to return my phone to the customer service desk at the grocery store and I wouldn't be forced go to the police with THEIR phone numbers for questioning. This plan seemed like it was going to work... and I started thinking I was pretty clever for even coming up with it. However, when the culprit didn't meet my deadline, 3 pm on Monday, I decided to go to the police with the phone numbers I had compiled and the clues (the thief was a man, spoke Spanish, and probably lived locally).

It was a very gray, rainy/sleety afternoon when I drove to the station. I pulled into a parking spot, at the same time an officer pulled in across from me. I opened my door. Stepped out. Closed the door... and dropped my keys... they landed right on top of a sewer grate, lingered for a second... then fell in the sewer. All of my keys fell into the sewer, rain pouring in like a raging river!

Being the calm, rational person that I am, I yelled out "OH S!+, OH NO, NONONO, what did I just do, OH NO". Of course, this was slightly alarming to the officer who had also just stepped out of his car. He didn't know, of course, that I only had one key for my almost new Honda Element. That it was a micro chip, laser cut key. That the used car sales man told me it was $1000 to replace a lost laser cut, micro chip key (is this true or am I a guillable person???).

The officer and I stared into the sewer for a while. I was disguising my dread with nervous laughter and corny statements. The officer finally said "Let's not stand here getting wet. Why did you come to the station today?" I explained that my phone was stolen and that it was a funny story... more nervous laughter. Still feeling guilty for dropping my keys, I shifted my eyes like I was the culprit, inside thinking "my husband is going to kill me". Then audibly saying, "my husband is going to kill me". Stupid.

We went inside and started filing a report for my phone. I tried, to no avail, to call my husband (who is VERY wise with money, i.e., thrifty, and certainly wouldn't want to spend $1000 on a key ;) What would I say? How could I cushion the truth? The officer made a few calls then said, "We might be able to help you with your keys". A few minutes later an ambulance pulls up and two paramedics hop out with a very long hook. Together with the paramedics and the officer, I walked over to the sewer and watched as they pried the grate off and started fishing for my keys, which weren't visible in the muddy rain water. They told me that the sewer was about 4-5 feet deep and that if my keys weren't heavy "they wouldn't be floating down to 55th St right now". "Are your keys metal or aluminum?" They kept asking. I DON'T KNOW. What kind of person knows that kind of thing?

The key fishing went on for quite some time... no keys. At this time I'm standing in the sleet with 2 paramedics, 2 regular officers, and the police chief... all staring down into the sewer. I offered to jump in the sewer but they wouldn't hear it. The police chief suggested using a magnet, hopped in his car, and drove to the local hardware shop. He returned a few minutes later and the magnet was Duct taped to the hook.

More fishing. Finally, the crew looked at me and said, "Sorry, your keys must have floated down the sewer, let's go inside and call the Honda dealer to see about getting you new keys". Devasted I followed them in.

Two minutes later the police chief comes running in, hand held high with a ball of mud...

and my keys... in his hands. Thank GOD!

And I lived happily ever after. The End.